I can't sing

For once, I don't mean that 'I feel I am an awful singer.'

In fact, last week I recorded a new piece of vocal music that I think sounds absolutely wonderful.  I'm shocked at how much I like it, and continue to like it, days later.  I was scared out of my mind when I was making it: it opens with me singing practically a capella (do drums count?).  That's the equivalent of standing on stage in my underwear for me and liking the way I look. That's incredible.

 What I mean right now is that my voice keeps shifting to this horrible raspy sound whenever I try to shift to an upper register.



 I cheated a little bit when I wrote Midsummer's Dance, in that I deliberately wrote in the low range of my voice.  I suppose you could also say that was me being a good composer and writing to my strengths; it really depends on the mood I'm in right now, and considering how annoyed I am at myself,  I'll stick with the 'cheating' interpretation.

Anyway, I kept it low.  In fact, Sibelious made funny protesting colors on my score saying I had written it too low for an alto's range, at which point I stopped to double check that I was in the correct key, and yes, I was really hitting an E3, though that seemed to be low as I could go without stress.  The highest note is an A4.

Right now, if I try to hit anything higher than that A4, my voice just sorta gives up. It's starting to get a little raspy and decidedly uneven; I can hear the pitch breaking. It's not that I can't hit those notes, it's a case of it being so long since I regularly used that part of my range that I've lost fine control.

It reminds me a little of when I have a bad cold; my high register just disappears.  I will start singing, "Do re me fa so la -" and then nothing comes out.  I'm not at that point, but am reminded of it.

Professional singers will tell you that a voice is a muscle, and just like athletes, it takes practice and constant conditioning to keep it in shape.  I have not kept up a consistent vocal schedule since college. I need to accept that I will have to practice again if I want to use that part of my range, or go any fine articulations that require control.  So next on my schedule: lots of water and daily scales.

 However, I'm going to be reviewing some of my music to see if I can't lower the range.  I do rather like my last recording, and I'm wondering if it's because I am singing lower than I usually do.  It may be my dislike of my voice has been due to just not realizing that I can hit an E3.    I may have been doing myself a disservice this entire time.