Solendenus

Solendenus wasn’t kidding when he said her arm would be sore.

It hurt even to turn the pages of her book. Kezrin sighed and rolled her shoulder again. Maybe one of the cold wraps she had left over would help.

After Lounge had ended, Solendenus had offered to teach Kezrin to defend herself. It… hadn’t gone very well at first. Sol had given her a practice sword and told her to attack a pell as though it were Moradinel, but all she could see in her mind’s eye was TAE giving her a dagger and telling her to kill him.



”Help me.”

“Help ya? Why would I do that?”

“Then kill me, if your hatred is so strong.”

“I-I’m not like that.”

“And yet... you hold the dagger. I am weaponless, and you hold my blade, tell me then, Miss Kanzelry, is my life one worth living?”

"I joined the AAMS so I wouldn't have ta hurt people."

“Now is your chance, to end my life and to be the hero." He paused. "Or you can put down the blade and enjoy the comfort that I would provide you."

Visions of Axelhammer’s dying eyes flashed before her. She threw the dagger at his feet.

“I ain’t a killer.”

The more she thought about it, the less she understood what happened. Solendenus had been willing to listen and not make her feel silly for crying. Perhaps Sol was right; TAE had just been trying to torment her, the same way he’d done months ago in Hardwrench when she refused to draw his blood.

Kezrin had left Sol's house feeling lighter for having finally talked about it, but also weighed down with a small mace and shield, along with firm instructions to practice every night with the mace to build up stamina. She had a feeling it’d be months before more than a few swings would leave her feeling sore. She was a paper pusher, not a fighter.

Research and reports were something she understood much better, and after talking to Zurom and Rhazin (she was both marginally horrified and proud of herself for talking to a warlock) she had an idea of how to tackle Step One of her plan.

Her missing memories had to still be in her head somewhere. If they had been completely destroyed, she wouldn’t occasionally be remembering something new. Therefore, even if her curse were gone and she wasn’t losing any more memories, there was still something preventing her from accessing the ones she had. Perhaps that was what Bragdus was interested in seeing?

She needed to remove whatever block was in place. That would be one less piece of evidence for the demon to covet, and maybe if she could just remember what they’d done to her, she could think of more ideas to counter him. Or Zurom or someone who knew more about this magic stuff could.

“I ain’t a killer.”

And if one side effect was that she’d have to remember everything she did, no matter how much she would rather not… then that was the price she’d pay.